Over the years, separated from my fragile childhood and young adult ego, it has become easier to state one of the defining traits of my development. I am talentless. Really. I have zero natural talent for anything. (I could dive into a list right now, but it would end before you stopped reading. And it would be an incomplete list, since I have a questionable memory.) Yet, as a "normal" human being, I am driven to purpose and meaning. And unless I was willing to devote my life to religion (something I have no talent for), I am forced to do things the hard way. I am forced to learn.
Now, I am not talking about basic learning. I can tie my shoes after all. But in a great example, I had taken nearly 3 years of French and yet can speak better German from watching Hogan's Heroes. No, I am talking about immersive learning. Where I really have to apply myself for longer periods of time and effort than anyone with even an iota of talent for the particular skill.
Even my current pursuits in poker or music continually re-demonstrate my lack of nature talent, forcing me to work on my morale as much as my focus. Progress is incremental and in elongated time frames, making serious endeavors a "life's work" so to speak.
All throughout though, I have had some success. I even wrote a one day seminar on "How your technology shop could be of more value to your business" and I believe that its very, very good. But that took nearly 30 years.
So I guess I take the good with the bad that I did not cash in Event #39 last year after playing poker for nearly 5 years. I remain committed to improving and learning new facets and getting over humps and et al.
Now don't get me wrong. This is not a "woe is me" post. I have had my share of successes and victories in life. And I have a good life, good family, decent health, etc. that others might kill for. But it is a "spring is coming" type post. Sometimes the winter gets to us and we think about our setbacks, our challenges, and our lack of progress towards nirvana. But then spring comes and we brighten up and forge on!
I am going to the WSOP this year and I may just play two $1500 events this year. It seems silly, but recently I have begun to look at the table as if I am looking through glass at an operating room. Doubt and second guessing giving way to a perspective of time and place. Perhaps all the experience is paying off? Perhaps its just perspective that comes with age. Perhaps its just spring.
One thing is certain. I'll never be afraid of hard work and I'll never "throw it all away" stupidly, because nothing has come that easy to me skill wise. I appreciate how far I have come so perhaps I am just worried that I could run out of time!
Oops, gotta go. Just dealt the hammer...