Monday, October 24, 2005

How to win low limit omaha

I have constructed this as a classic "text adventure game" that you would play in the 1980s on some lame, text based computer (of which I had two).

You wake up (each adventure game started this way) and find yourself in a casino. There are tables all around you. You have the taste of stripper panties in your mouth.

INVENTORY
You Have:
$100 dollars, chewing gum, room key card, voucher for a free lap dance.

CHEW GUM
That’s better.

GO TABLES
I don’t understand.

LOOK
There are tables all around you and a lit sign.

LOOK SIGN
It’s a sign alright.

READ SIGN
It says “Poker Room -North, Bathrooms -East, Table Games –West, Hotel Rooms – South”

WEST
Why would you do that? That would be –EV.

WEST
You spend time playing Blackjack, Roulette and Chinese offspring Gai-Pong Domino poker. Your bankroll is now $50. You return to the lobby.

NORTH
You enter the casino poker room. You're lucky to have found it. It is a maze of twisty tables, all alike.

NORTH
You find yourself at a Limit Table. The stakes are affordable (downright cheap).

PLAY POKER
You’ll need chips first.

BUY CHIPS
You buy $50 in chips

PLAY POKER
You sit down at the limit table. 6 hours later you are up $2. But you got to play a lot of hands (as did everyone).

GET UP
You collect your chips and get up from the table. Your legs feel num. Your bankroll is $52.

NORTH
You arrive at a No Limit Hold ‘em table. There are various 20 somethings seated around the table drinking Bud. They all have various baseball caps and sunglasses on. One player explains to another how he missplayed his hand. The other player is less than receptive.

PLAY POKER
Are you sure? This is a very volatile game and you are sure to encounter wild swings of luck. As you decide, a player takes a big pot with J5o.

PLAY POKER
Ok, but the waiting list is 8000 minutes. You are 180th on the list.

NORTH
You arrive at a Pot Limit Omaha Table. There is no waiting list. Seated at the table are lost Europeans and loud 30 somethings.

PLAY POKER
You sit down just as the dealer is explaining to a player that he ‘must use two cards’. He is noticeably upset.

A waitress asks if you wish something to drink… Just kidding, no waitress will come to this (or any other) poker table.

The dealer welcomes you and you sit in the BB. You are dealt 4 random cards.

LOOK CARDS
This could take all day. After all, no one raises or folds yet.

LOOK FLOP
I can’t do that… yet.

CALL
Smart. The dealer, deals three face up cards. Hey, you have two pair!!!

FOLD
Are you sure?

FOLD
You fold the cards. Someone takes down the pot with a straight.
You are dealt 4 more cards.

CALL
You are in the hand! The players call for something called a flop. The dealer deals 3 face up cards. Hey, you have a flush!

LOOK CARDS
Why? You have a flush!

LOOK CARDS
Since you insist. You have the King and Queen of spades.

LOOK TABLE
There are three other spades on the table, face up. They are the 2 the 3 and the 8 of spades. A player makes a pot size bet.

FOLD
Are you crazy?

FOLD
You fold. An Ace high flush takes the pot. Are you psychic?

The dealer deals everyone 4 new cards.

CALL
The dealer flops KQJ all different suits.

LOOK CARDS
You have JT98. Another player bets the pot.

FOLD
You are crazy!

FOLD
You fold. An Ace high straight takes down the pot.

The dealer deals everyone 4 more cards.

CALL
The dealer flops 7 of spades, Ten of spades, Ten of diamonds.

LOOK CARDS
You have the Ace of spades, the Queen of spades, the Jack of diamonds, and the Ten of clubs. Hey, you have 3 tens.

CALL
Why not raise?

NOT YET

I do not understand. Please reform your command.

CALL
Ok, you get 5 callers.

The next card is the 2 of spades. Hey, you have a flush.

RAISE POT
You get 3 callers.

The final card is the Jack of hearts. Hey, you have a full house!

RAISE POT
Two players fold as if there cards did not pan out. One player stares at you and calls.

The dealer asks to see your cards and you show yours. The others throw their cards face down on the table. The dealer pushes many, many chips in your direction.

What now?

PLAY POKER

Why not just type “repeat”?

REPEAT
After about 5 minutes, the dealer pushes a stack of chips in your direction.

REPEAT
After about 5 minutes, the dealer pushes a stack of chips in your direction.

REPEAT
After about 5 minutes, the dealer pushes a stack of chips in your direction.
How long is this going to go on?

REPEAT
Ok, ok I get it. About 2 hours later you are tired and want to go to your room.

REPEAT
Stop that, you are exhausted. Your legs feel like needles.

GET UP
That’s more like it. You head back to your room.

INVENTORY
You Have:
$200 dollars, chewing gum, room key card, voucher for a free lap dance.

SLEEP
No one sleeps where there are cards to be played.

TAKE SHOWER
Where would you like to take it?

QUIT
You quite while you are ahead. 3 goons mug you at the airport and you leave town broke. You did not even go to a strip club. Your score is 14.

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