ok, so its an obscure joke. But here are some obscure hands, even for a wannabe...
Last night 3 table MTT. I have a fun table. I have not had fun playing in a LONG time. It was the best of times, playing and talking and winking. Ballgame was at my table, as was Big E and the Dentist. I know how they play and they know how I play. (it wasn't going to matter tonight for me though).
I notice that Sox plays 55 like it was AA, both pre and post flop. I make a rare note on that.
UtG limps and I get in cheap utg+1 with JTs. As a matter of fact, I raise it 3xBB. The flop is KQQ and I am open ended. UTG checks, I bet, he calls. Turn is an ACE and I have the st8. UtG looks nervous and checks. I bet and he calls. His hand is shaking. He has a big hand. But so do I. The river is a blank 3 and he finally bets $500. This was his first pro-active action and his hand is shaking even more. I KNOW he has what he thinks is a big hand. But this is his first tournament, I figure him for a Q (trips). I re-raise while saying "I know you have a big hand, but I am going to raise here." and he calls. I show him the straight and he flips over AA for a boat. I picked my jaw off the table and moved on. I lost 35% of my stack.
100/200 now and MP makes a min raise. I lament my A7s in the BB. "I hate this hand", but call. The flop is KQQ (2 spades) again. He checks and I check. The turn is a 7. He checks and I bet. he calls. The river is a spade and he checks. I bet and he calls with 67 spades and takes it. He picked up the 7s on the turn like I did (but I was ahead) and hit the 4-1 river card. I am down to 50% of my start chips. Did I play that hand great? No. Did I make a major mistake there? I don't really think so. I had a marginal hand, thought I was ahead, and I was. I made the bet and he called because he hit the board and had a redraw. Would a bigger bet have chased him out? I doubt it.
I get 88 in LP and anguish over my bet. There are already 2 limpers and I dont want to raise that many players with such a marginal holding. I decide to limp also and look for the set. The flop is T64 with 2 clubs. Big E puts out a good size bet after 2 checks. I know he will be the semi bluff. But the guy to my left is ready to call it. I think he might have hit the T. I reluctantly fold and he calls. The turn was the 8 of clubs, which would have made my set, but obviously made Big E his flush. He started extracting cash from the T. So, why do I remember this hand? The river was my case eight.
I am bleeding here and my M is barely above 5. I decide I can use my tight image to make a move here. Instead of a 3xBB raise, I min raise 2x. The 3 last players to act made my decision. Ballgame would think it suspicious, dentist is tight enough that 2x is enough, and the new guy would not know the dif. All fold to ballgame who actually asks me about the min raise. He did notice. He calls on the button and we are heads up. I had decided to run the stop n go no matter what. When the flop comes out I miss completely, but bet half the pot. I know ballgame would probably fold anything but TP against my tight agression, but he did in this instance that is exactly what happened. He worried about the overpair only. He even considered that I might have QQ, but I did not have enough chips to scare him. I decide he will call me down if I committ and I had no re-draws. It doesn't matter, as he puts me all in (the right move here). I am forced to fold and I am on life support. The ONLY move I make all night, in a perfect situation, and I run into TP. It was the worst of times.
My last had was exactly what you would expect it to be. I get a great starting hand with AK, but I do not have first in vigorish. I can't go another rotation so I call what I know is a pair. Sox turns over TT and we race. Not much of a race actually, sine the board came all undercards to his TT. I am out very early.
I said I played like a "bot" perfect losing poker. I made the right decisions, the moves at the right times, and it never worked out. I wasn't mad, or frustrated, but rather dissapointed.