The time when we reveal ourselves to others. At parties, we are full of the holiday spirt(s). At family gatherings, we feel safe and regard everything said and done as immune from the outside world. Even in the blogs, I read uncharacteristic personal insights into the worlds I only peek at through table chat.
It seems strange and foreign to me just the same, that I am going to follow suit. Some of the walls I typically keep erected to create a barrier, which I insist will protect my professional career and image from being associated with anything negative that can come back to work against me in some unlikely scenario, are crumbling.
I have been in executive IT management for 13 years now. I was laid off 5 years ago, 6 months after 9-11. I went on to rebuild my career to new heights and success. I thought 2007 would be my most successful year ever. Then my company was sold. 9 months later, just before Christmas, I was laid off. Again. I am in a much better position this time, having been through this before. I had money saved for such an emergency, I had more contacts than 5 years ago, and had another successful management stint, even bigger than the last, under my belt.
But this time, I expect change. A Change in location seems probable and this means leaving this cold and economically miserable state for unfamiliar territory, uprooting my family in the hopes of an improved standard of living. It's strange and eerie, knowing this in advance. I watched my final NFL home game with a mixture of fervor and thoughtfulness, trying to memorize the sounds, the smells and the sights of the stadium and its denizens. We even splurged on beer and peanuts, ignoring our budget to seal the maximum amounts of memory of this last game in our brains.
I meet with my friends and do the usual fun activities, but in the back of my mind is the nagging feeling that I'll shortly be saying goodbye. Then feeling stupid because the assertion is premature.
I am 'counting my blessings' as they say. But strangely, although I have so much time, I am playing no more poker than I did when I was working.
I noticed a BIG leak in my game last night. Something in retrospect I am not sure I would have noticed under different circumstances. And its an unusual leak, not the typical mistake in how you play a hand type leak. When I am ahead, I rarely make wreckless bets after the turn card. If I am playing deep stack and I make 2 pair on the turn and I think I am ahead, I will still bet 3/4 of the pot or pot. But I never "go for the stack", figuring the other player will fold if I do. I am afraid of letting the prey escape. Funny that I should see that now...