Monday, March 13, 2006

Sequels, Donkeys, and Diane Lane

The world's fastest suckout, the luckbox is the most unique and specialized member of the poker player family and can reach speeds of 70 BB/hour. Unlike other players, the luckbox has leaner hands, longer stacks, and has been referred to as the donkey of poker players. It is not an aggressive animal by nature, often choosing flight versus fight. With its weak jaws and small teeth, the price nature made it pay for luck, it cannot fight larger predators until a large pot presents itself. Then, despite being cornered and out numbered, the luckbox strikes and does the seemingly impossible as its strikes its prey dead, often leaving a shocked look on its victims face.

I am playing in a $20 PLO tournament last night. This is a league event, so finish place is important. I am playing the best PLO of my life. I am the zen of PLO. I am using position, reading hands and my relative strength as if I can see the cards. After a short while, I am 14th in a field of 56 without having the nuts a single time. Not once. I am playing my ass off and loving it. I feel alive and my mind is as clear as an frozen lake.

In Omaha, you are either drawing to the nuts or defending the current nuts. That is the general rule. But in Omaha, so much more than in Hold Em, position dictates control of the hand. From late position, you can choose to represent hands. In any other position, you are along for the ride (see first statement). "Learn it. Know it. Live it."

So when you decide to play JJT9 from LP and the flop is J73 rainbow, you have the current nuts. As a matter of fact, this is a tremendous flop for a set because all the draws are dogs. A rarity in Omaha.

Image my surprise when the big stack at the table, raises me after I bet this. My re-raise only makes him more committed and he shoves all his chips in. Ahhhhh. I call to see his bottom set and realize this is the best possible hand for me to see. No redraws, no straights possible, just a lesser set. He has but one out. I take this hand, double up, and I move up to 2nd or 3rd in chips before the break, having played excellent so far. I am feeling pretty good that I can cash in this one.


And just like that, POOF, I am out. Not only out, but out EARLY so I missed a TON of leaderboard points. On a one outer. 4%. 25 to 1.

I could not speak. I am sure i typed some goodbyes, but I can't remember a word of it. I logged off completely. I wandered across the house. I ran into Mrs. Columbo playing on her laptop.

I told Mrs. Columbo about my adventure and she sprung into action. I watch with detached curiosity as she set out to help my mental state.

She opens up google image seach and conjures up this picture of a few donkeys. Cute. But the search page image of donkeys has a curious reult. A seemly unrelated, but obviously attached in some bizarre 6 degrees of seperation way, of Diane Lane.

What sense does she make here? Who can say? I don't even know who she is. But now Diane is part of Mrs. Columbo's plan. She becomes the "innocent" required for the ritual.

That's right, Mrs. Columbo has decided to exorcise the donkeys. She creates a small pyre using an altar (aka ashtray), and places the donkeys (our demons) and Diane Lane (our sacrifice) into the pyre and lights it up, chanting "begone luckbox demons".

Despite the ridiculous nature of her ritual, I can only smile and think to myself, “I hope it works”.

1 comment:

TheRempel said...


Omaha is a fickle mistress. Back in September, during the WCOOP on PokerStars, I watched a friend get deep into the first PLO event (with rebuys) after having sold the seat I'd won.

The play was terrible overall and I vowed that I would play in the $500 PLO freezeout event. I couldn't afford the $500 buy-in played turbo qualifiers all week. Bubble bubble toil and trouble, I could not lock down a seat.

Finally, my last chance. The very last qualifier, held the evening before the event. I run my stack up big early (the qualifiers were rebuy events) but have less than average around the bubble, once again. Hand after hand I raise preflop with some very coordinated big pair and run into a bigger pair. QQ vs KK. KK vs AA. In every hand I manage to suck out and survive, each time having about 3BB worth of chips. Finally it's down to the last eight. Seven get seats. The button, with 40,000 in chips and blinds of 4K/8K raises, I wake up with AhAJhT and push. For once AA holds up (he had KK34) and I sail on to the 'main event'.

I take off work early the next day since the tourney starts at 1:00pm. Not playing too many pots without strong hands post flop and I'm simply not hitting anything, so I'm pretty close to my starting stack.

Finally one of crappiest hands of PLO I've ever played. I have AAJ8 with the A8 of hearts in the SB. UTG raises, it's folded to me, I call and the BB calls.

The flop comes Ac Jh 3d. I check, the BB pots it and the UTG preflop raiser folds. I reraise, putting about 2/3 of his stack in. He thinks and thinks and finally pushes the rest of his chips. He has JcJd5c7h and almost no outs. His only hope is a runner runner flush. When I win the hand I'll have a very large stack and will be able to run the table.

The turn is the 4c. Ah well, give him a little sweat, I'm still going to win the hand.

WRONG. The river is the ugly freaking 2c and IGHN. Caviar dreams my ass.